"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:2, NIV).
Have you ever found yourself deeply conflicted by what you want and what you seem to get? You see people around you and it has become second nature to look at them and identify all they could do to change and how that would positively impact you for the better. There are times it seems easy to point the fingers at what others, especially those closest to you, need to accomplish, and how they will better please God at the same time. But then, you slow down and begin to realize, why do they all seem to have peace and I'm the one with the pain?
Many times, the conflict you are experiencing isn't so much between you and another person, but between the Spirit of God in you and the patterns of your own mindsets. Patterns are strategic. They are habitual. They look a certain way and they feel safe. There is definition to a pattern. Patterns give a sense of security and normalcy, even though that pattern may be based on a wrong reality.
The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to the Romans. Paul knew something about wrong patterns. As a Pharisee, Paul was religious, strategic, and passionate about what he believed. He knew the Scriptures, he was accustomed to the Law, and He was proficient in articulating what needed to be known. And yet, none of that brought him the full peace that only came when he surrendered his mindset patterns to be renewed by Jesus.
Here's a fact. Your present will not change until the pattern of your mind is changed. You may be in the Word of God, but until the Word of God is fully in you, and you apply it by faith beyond your feelings, there will be no change. Your mind has to be renewed from the patterns you have been used to, that have given you the definition that makes you feel safe. They aren't safe. You don't have peace. Let God's truth RENEW your mind. Don't just let read the Bible. Let the Bible read you. Let it show you what you need to know. Let the Holy Spirit reveal the truth of what your feeling, the truth about why you're feeling it, and how you can surrender the patterns of your mind to the reality of His presence. When the pattern is surrendered, the pain can be healed.