"...for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth..." (Ephesians 5:9, NIV).
In a world of grocery stores and farmers markets, the idea of the process of growing fruit is lost on the busy consumer focused on aquiring for their needs. If someone wants an apple, they go and purchase the apple. They make it happen. Their want is immediately grattified by their own effort to make it happen, though they have little or no understanding of the real process of what it took for that apple to be produced. Fruit doesn't ever "just happen." It is a by-product of other systems, that once put it in place, begin to result in something that becomes what most see as something instant.
Fruit doesn't start out as fruit. It is result, or evidence, of the tree or plant from which it originates. There is a process of all things working together and correctly for fertilization, polination, hydration, and the like for the tree to bear the fruit. the right things have to be connected to the right places for the right fruit to get into the right hands. Such is the truth of spiritual things in the lives of those that want spiritual fruit.
You cannot make spiritual things happen in your life. You can certainly manufacture what LOOKS LIKE spiritual things. You can fabricate the feelings and project the appearance to others that spiritual happenings are taking place in your life, while ilving the internal misery of emptiness, anger, and contention. There is no amount of Bible reading, on-your-knees praying, worship song singing, or church attending that can "make happen" the spiritual fruit of life God desires for you. Therefore, every attempt to make "God things" happen without fully allowing Him to transform you from the INSIDE-OUT, will only lead to the shallowness of looks without the authenticity of real change.
Real change means being CONNECTED WITH GOD. There is no substitution for personal connection with God. God created you out of relationship with the Trinity with the intention of personal relationship with Himself. You cannot rely on the closeness and intimacy of others to drag you through the stuff of life. If it's not personal, it will never produce Godly results that bring real change.
BE REAL WITH GOD. What would seem a "no brainer" actually becomes a brain teaser, as many pray & worship with part, but not with the whole of who they are. It's like keeping that one part of your life private that you don't want anyone else to see, not even God. Even though He knows it all and sees it all, keeping it "private" means trying to have the benefit of change without the responsibility of taking personal ownership of dealing with the issue.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. It's easy to blame others for all of the ills that you experience in the every day. It's more comfortable and convenient to point out the lows and lulls in the lives of others and transferring responsibility of why you react or respond to things the way you do. Be honest with yourself. Let God show you where you lack and fall short. Pointing it for others MIGHT BE beneficial for them, but you will never experience a real change on the inside of you. Look at the things that you want to change in other people and see if God's not using that to point out the things He wants to change in you.
LET GO OF THE FEAR THAT CONTROLS. One of the biggest blockers of real change is allowing fear to have authority over your life. Fear will cause you to believe that unless you are in total control over what's going on around you, then all will fall a part and the responsibility over the failure will be yours. Fear causes you to believe in the worst case scenarios, driving your imagination into high-gear, robbing you of living in the peace of God. Fear WILL NEVER bring the change that you want. Let go of the fear and let God have total control. You didn't create this life and there is nothing you can do greater than God to bring real change in this life.